Caroline Meade

Interview by Jeanne Bransbourg

Editing by Nia Blankson

Photography by Jeanne Bransbourg and Alex Kasel

Tell us about yourself!
I am an interdisciplinary artist, mainly a musician, but I have my hands in a lot of pots and I think this year in particular I'm just going where my creativity is leading me. I’m mainly a musician but I also made my first film, acted in a short film this year, and I write all the time. Everything is just led by documenting and creativity and I just lead with my gut.

Are you working on any music currently?
Always. I’m always working on something. I’m trying to finish four singles by the end of the semester, in three weeks! I’ve been recording them all year, but now I have to do a lot of organizing, which will probably be this summer. I might be releasing in June, and I’m working on a music video for one of those things.

Where do you get your inspiration?
I have bad taste in men, and they say outrageous things and so many of my lyrics are quotes from people. I'm actually in a playwriting class right now, and in the first class my professor said “the root to good playwriting is eavesdropping.” I was thinking well that’s actually how I write everything- my ears are just open. I write everyday, even if it’s just a line, but I think my inspiration is mostly from my life, from the art I consume. Writing is processing for me. I don’t really know how else to do it, and how else to document big changes besides writing. I’ve written my whole life before I was songwriting.

Would you say “I HATE IT” was reflecting the people or men in your life?
Yeah, I mean that was about a really specific situation and it was a song about where I was in my life. It was about someone, but it was also mostly about me and looking around thinking- oh my god, some things are coming to fruition and I’m really lucky, but I was not supposed to be doing it alone. That was definitely about a specific person and had influences with people with different stories. Definitely a lot of my music that will be coming out is me talking to someone who I know can’t respond. Where I felt that before, it was me talking to someone that I thought would respond. My album that I’ve been making the last few years, half of it is to someone, hoping that they might respond, whereas the other half is knowing they can’t respond. This gives a different type of freedom, but also a different type of sadness in that. I think I was writing from that place, but now, as my relationships change I’m writing from a different place of wanting someone to respond.

What is your song writing process like?
I usually write poetry every day, and if a concept keeps coming up, then I’ll decide to write a song about that. I usually have a concept, then I start playing with chords that sound like the concept. It’s a fun process.

Can you tell us about Sidetracked, your podcast?
Sidetracked was a way to document a lot of really interesting conversations I was having, and I think I'm really good at getting people to feel safe enough to open up. I consume a lot of interviews and there's so many moments where I think the journalist isn’t taking the opportunity to delve into something more interesting. I’m really into people- when I find out about someone or an artist, I find any interviews they might be in, and I love learning about them. I took the opportunity to interview people I found interesting and ask them the questions I thought mattered. Sidetracked is on a kind of hiatus right now because I don’t have enough time anymore, but I think I will get back to it at some point, but I just don't know when. It’s a ton of work, but there are some recordings I have where I know I’ll be so happy to have them when I’m 40. I showcase art I appreciate and want to show them to the world.

What are some of your favorite guests from the podcast! Any cool stories?
I can’t say my favorite because I’m close with so many of them. I think all my conversations have been really good, but I think when it’s me and my friends it’s the most fun to listen to. I had this one episode with Ava (my roommate), Kori (her boyfriend), and I, and that’s one of my favorite episodes. It was just us in her bed, talking, and it’s very funny to me. Another one I liked is the interview with the artist Henry Hall. It was a really rainy day and it felt like we were almost interviewing each other and just having a conversation, and I feel like it’s a really good episode- really wholesome and nice to look back to. I also had a recent interview with someone called Ofsha from a band called Lower Town. We got into his psyche which I didn’t expect to do, but it was pretty fun.

What is Lady’s Ashes?
I was in Europe with my friends right before Thanksgiving and I came home and the day after, my great aunt died who I was really close to and hadn’t seen in a while. It was really difficult for me especially right before Thanksgiving week, having to go to her house and getting things. It was pretty sudden. Her family grew up in Manhattan in the 50s and grew up really poor, and they had this completely different upbringing that half the time sounds like it was from Goodfellas, and especially her- she had a very interesting past. We took a roadtrip to her house and realized that we forgot her cat’s ashes that she wanted to be buried with. The funeral was immediately and we were freaking out. The movie is basically about that day and the roadtrip finding this cat’s ashes. It’s a road trip between my grandma, my mom and I, and how three generations are grieving the same woman. It was a real thing that happened and we made a movie about it, where we all acted as ourselves. I co-directed it and wrote it, with my other co-director Grace Pomela, one of my closest collaborators and friends. I’m really proud of it, and I think that it’s one of the first times that three generations of the same real family have been on screen- in the last few years I haven’t heard of that happening. I’m not going to edit it until school is over, because I just have too much going on.

How did making the movie make you feel?
Acting and co directing was insane, and thank god I had someone there. It was so hard, and it was about someone that actually died and it’s with my family. It’s deep, but it’s also I have to cry then look at the framing. I don’t know if I’m going to be doing that again any time soon. I love directing and I love acting, I just don't know if I’m gonna do that together. I am an artist at heart that thinks with my logic first- even with this thing happening and I know it’s a wonderful idea that I want to showcase, which is kind of thinking with my heart. Her story deserves to be told and our story does too, but where is the space for me and for how I’m going to feel? There was no consideration for it being hard for me. I talked to my mom and my grandma about how they would feel, but I never really talked to me about it. Even though I’m an artist, if it’s a good idea it doesn’t matter my own cost, I just go with it, which I’m trying to navigate now.

So you’re working on music, a podcast, and a film! What’s that like, how do you balance everything?
I don’t. I just don’t. I have a very tight friend group who makes fun of me. My roommate told me the other day; “when you wake up in the morning, I just imagine that you are in bed and then go ‘AH’. That has to be how you wake up.” I don’t. I am crumbling a little bit, but it’s okay, because I’ll sleep when I’m dead. I will say, I have very strict rituals that help me do stuff. I really do believe in keeping your life ordinary and boring so that your art can be chaotic and beautiful. I also have severe ADHD that makes things hard but the strict rituals help make the art easier. As many stupid things I can get out of the way- being late, being ready, getting enough sleep- as much as I can so I can make sure I have that stuff taking the least amount of time, so it allows more space. The one thing that has helped with balancing all this stuff is knowing that just because I’m not acting at this moment doesn’t mean I’m not an actor. Just because I’m not writing at this moment does not mean I’m not a writer. Just because I’m not performing doesn’t mean I’m not a performer. I’m appreciating the time and place for my creativity. You aren’t a robot and can’t wake up creatively the way you want to wake up every single day. You have to know what needs to be nourished, and sometimes with writing the worst thing you can do is forcing yourself to songwrite. People can hear that. You won’t be good for the same thing every day, and now when I wake up I subconsciously ask myself what am I good for and where is my creativity leading me? I think that is really what calms me down, and it's not even a matter of balancing everything, just remembering that I have all these things coming up but knowing that right now what’s in front of me is this song, or this movie and not worrying about it all at once.

What are your favorite places to perform in New York City?
I used to perform at Muchmore’s and that has a terrible sound system- you have to bring your own amps and everything. But weirdly, I always have the best shows there; I have so much fun. I also just performed at Chelsea Music Hall, and that was really good. I also want to do Mercury again, I liked the room where I was booked last time. Elsewhere Zone One was also pretty cool!