Thinking of summer

Blog 4/20

by Evelyn Logan

These days I’ve been absolutely drowning in thoughts about summer. When I have free time, I’m trying on summer outfits and thinking of what I want to do when it's finally warm out. I’ve been writing and thinking of the thaw so much that I’ve grown tired of the whole concept. What happened to raw, unadulterated warmth and freedom? That’s what summer is to me. I wanted to share some of those raw, unfiltered, disjointed thoughts that I’ve been having about summer with you. Enjoy!

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At least in Montreal, I’m really starting to feel the seasons change. Terrasses are being built, people are spending time in parks again, and I can wear capris without freezing to death. The wind doesn’t always feel like it’s trying to freeze me slowly (only sometimes now) and the sun actually feels warming. Weather is so finicky here. I always dress weather confused and I’ve been wearing the same jacket for what feels like months now (not in a dirty way– more of a comfort jacket kind of way). There are some days where I muscle through park hangs and lie to myself about feeling warm. I just wish I didn’t have to lie! Where is summer?

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Maybe this summer I’ll pick up reading? I recently read Sula by Toni Morrison for class. That book stuck with me. I think we would be lying to ourselves if we claimed that we read every book that’s on our syllabi, but I really did read Sula. No, I devoured it. That book was weird and unsettling, of course incredibly well written, and it really made me think. This summer, I also want to be weird and unsettling (not as much as Sula though). I want to undress, physically and metaphorically. Undress physically by shedding all my layers and finally wearing only one top and bottom. Undress metaphorically by taking down all the walls and barriers that I put up around myself this winter. I want to be my most weird and unapologetic self. Who knows if that’s even possible.

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I wrote a few stanzas of this poem while I was waiting for my bus. I was feeling a distinct kind of longing, the kind that has shifted artists' spirits and made people want to send a drunk text. Reading the poem back now, I don’t know if I wrote it with summer in mind, but I feel that way now. So much time has passed, and slowly we’ve moved towards a new season and period of life, but it’s been so slow it hasn’t felt like moving at all. And so time passes and I think of you (summer)…

The wind blows across my face and a mist rests on my cheeks
My nails are overgrown and my braids long fuzzy
As I walk on the streets, people speak languages I don’t know
And so time passes and I think of you

The leaves start to bud and the trees sway with the breeze
My skin is dry and my lips are cracked
As I look to the sky, alabaster clouds form a quilt
And so time passes and I think of you

I don’t normally attempt poetry so still the poem feels foreign even though it’s my words. I added this stanza much later. Even though I wrote the poem I have no idea what it’s truly about. Maybe you, my reader, should add a stanza and make it make more sense.

The sun kisses my eyelashes and I see birds in the distance
My feet are tired and I long for rest
As I look out to the future, I smile
And so time passes and I think of you

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Today is a most beautiful day with blue skies (it's still quite chilly though). Instead of writing about it from my bed and staring out my window, I’m going to go live it. I’ll visit you again in the real summer…

Unsolicited advice
I don’t have a bunch of suggestions like normal, instead I just have one: do something.
Very simple, just do something. It could mean whatever you want: put down your phone and actually do something, stop talking just do something, call up your friends and do something, if you feel bad do something, if you feel sad do something. For me, being plagued with inactivity is something that happened frequently during the winter, and when I was actually able to motivate myself into action I felt much much better. So if you happen to be in a period of stagnation or if you just want something to change, do something!