lucybychoice

03-27-2025

I’m taking a page out of bell hooks’ book today to talk love and relationships.

Last week I ended things with my partner of over a year, which coincided with multiple lectures on attachment and relationships in my Social Psychology class. So I’ve been thinking, and the aforementioned bell hooks’ All About Love is making eyes at me from my bedside table, which is making me think some more. And I’m rewatching Fleabag, and before writing this I made and ate nachos all by myself. Thus: this blog post.

The first question I’d like to tackle is rather simple: why? Why do we seek attachment, closeness, relation? According to my prof, it has its basis in survival, which makes sense—evolutionary advantage to being with other people. That’s a boring response though, and also life and death scenarios are not particularly fun, so my take is: we seek out relationships because it feels good to be known. Of course that’s not the whole story, and there’s other things at play, but damn it feels good to be known. To have people work with you, be there for you. My roommate knows my exact takeout order, my mom can tell I’m sad from the way I walk through the door despite sitting facing away from said door, my best friend sends me tweets I’m in the process of reposting because he knows they’d resonate with me. There’s so much beauty in being seen, in being understood. I think too often, people express a feeling of « not wanting to be perceived » or whichever way of saying it is trending on social media at the moment. And I get that completely, but it does feel so so good to be understood. And we can’t do that by ourselves.

In a similar vein, the second question I want to focus on: how? How do we reach out, how do we connect? I have less of an answer, and I think it’s much more personal/case-by-case basis. I like sharing music, or anecdotes about my day. I facetime randomly, send photos of cats, and, yeah, share music, a lot of that. I think in the end what matters is to reach out in a way that works for you, and therefore any way of connecting is the right one. To connect it back to my previous paragraph, I think whichever way that allows you to share yourself with others, in order to be known, is sufficient, if not more than. I know people who text a lot and others who never do, I have friends that are engaged yet you can hardly tell and others that met last week and have been joined at the hip since. Either is fine, either works, if it works for you, it works. That’s my advice, my two cents, it’s not worth much more than that, but it’s better than nothing.

My last question I don’t have an answer for, or at least not a satisfying one. And it feels a bit shallow: who? It’s so simple, so silly, and yet it plagues, doesn’t it? Who do we choose to love? In my opinion: anybody, everybody. Love whoever makes you smile, and even those who don’t. My most wonderful connections have been the least expected, we met on the train or at the park or waiting in line or in 5th grade basketball. We’re all looking to love a little more, a little further, and I think it would be a huge shame not to try, with anyone that crosses your path. Loving is a gift worth sharing.

It’s snowing again in Montreal despite it being almost April; I’ve paid my rent, fixed up my boots, ran close to 100 kilometers, had one beer, one shot of vodka, one cider, all in a week’s worth, and I’ve tried to do it all surrounded by people I love. And I still spent some days alone, and though it contradicts everything I’ve just said, I enjoyed those bits too. And all three questions I posed today, you can try and answer, thinking about one specific person: you.

I’ll leave you with that. Love always.


lucybychoice