If You Ever Loved Me

by Irmela

 

written in Spring 2023,

when the leaves appeared again

so did the hope of sensing a summer breeze

to be me once again

 

 

posted in Fall 2026,

now blown by a different wind

yet, carried by the same wave

to be reborn, once again

 

And if you ever loved me,

You’d let me go easy

Just like a breeze on a summer night

You’d let me fly out.

 

Unchain me from this cage you call love.

Free me as the wild bird I am,

So I can go back to my nest,

Where I could finally rest.

 

I need to get back to my tree,

to reconnect with the roots

you stole away from me.

I need to touch once again, the earth

that used to be beneath me,

before you laid on top of me,

and stole all the air

that fed me.

 

Just to replace it with your breath.

So you could call yourself

my oxygen.

So you would know

that I needed you.

 

It started out like fire,

but the fire never ended.

Now, everything is burning,

I’m breathless.

 

Nothing left in my chest

To filter the toxins of your being.

Still breathless.

 

Nothing left in my chest,

but the remainings of the smoke

of your cigarettes.

The ones you burned me with,

your signature on my skin.

As if I’m not even my own.

 

Here I am laying and thinking

“If only I had water”.

Water to drink,

to give me a sense of living.

Water to sprinkle,

to end this life

you made my living hell.

 

Water, water, water,

Bringer of life?

 

What about bringing me some?

 

Bring me some water,

So I can be reborn,

escape this life

you shaped for me.

 

Bring me some water,

So I can wash you

away from your sins.

Just so I can watch you

drown in them.

 

Water, water, water

Drooling down my cheek.

 

Red cheek,

Swollen nose,

Swollen ribs,

Red arms.

 

I did not think you meant,

that you’d paint me in red

When you first told me that

love,

was more delightful in

red.

 

But this is not love.

 

If it was, I’d be gone by now.

Blown by the wind,

not trapped in your arms

tightening me to your chest.

 

If you really loved me,

You’d be gone by now